Here’s an old photo of my baby, when she still looked like a baby and acted like a kitten.

Being number four, we thought we had the whole parenting thing figured out. I thought I was content with only sons. We’d skip over hormone filled drama in the teen years. Be free to travel later in life instead of saving for a wedding. We thought we had it made. The day of the ultrasound when they said “It’s a girl” all I could do was laugh in my nervousness. Princess has challenged me to think and act differently. She points out my flaws without intending, like only a child can do, and inspires me to improve. I’m so thankful God knew better than I did four years ago when he brought this unique blessing into our lives. We needed her.

To celebrate, Princess (age four) and I (age thirtysomething) had our first manicures… together. I think it will grow into a tradition. Something to separate the girls from the boys in our family. She chose a vibrant magenta pink with glitter top to match and I chose center line yellow. Seriously, it looks like the double line in the middle of the road. So bright.

Princess is very girly. She loves dresses and demands I wear them on special occasions. I had intentions of buying a yellow sundress for her birthday party. But of course, when we arrived at the store, post manicure, the dress I passed up two days ago was no longer available in my size. So my yellow nails seem a bit out of place, but there are worse things in life. At least it’s a bold color to go with the bold memory of today. The day I started a new season in life. Diapers, nursing, disrupted sleep, all those things I thought would never end, now just a memory. A memory growing more faint every day.

Happy Birthday, Princess. Thanks for making me a better woman, and a better mom.

Last Thursday I spent most of the day in the emergency room due to chest pains. I think my body wants to make sure my 30th year goes out with a bang. After a series of not too invasive tests, the supposed diagnosis is esophageal spasms. I’ll save you the Google time, it’s like really killer heartburn that wreaks havoc on the esophagus. Trust me, it didn’t feel like heartburn, and it still isn’t very comfortable. But I have medication, the pain is definitely decreasing, and thank God I have tests confirming I have a healthy heart! Surprise, surprise, stress is the likely culprit. Take a couple of boys with school difficulties, a husband preparing to travel overseas for two and a half weeks and add that to the typical day to day for a family of six and you might be surprised these are my first chest pains.

As if that weren’t enough, yesterday half of my hand turned blue. Not Smurf blue, but “dusky” blue. The color your skin turns when there is not enough oxygen or circulation in a part of your body. We initially witnessed this dusky blue color during our twins’ time in the NICU, so as soon as I saw it, I knew it wasn’t good. I called the ER, discussed it with a nurse. After what seemed like forever, but was really about 45 minutes of intense prayer and rest, my hand returned to normal and I dodged another ER visit.

My health is just another addition to the pile of things trying to discourage me lately. I’m combating my own negative thoughts with the promises of God. It’s not easy, I’m not perfect at it, but I’m trying and getting better at it, bit by bit. I still haven’t thoroughly processed what all this medical stuff means, I’m still working the process with doctors, but I know that God is faithful. I’m encouraged by Psalm 34:19 “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” If you have something you are struggling with, I’d like to encourage you to check out White Paper Bible. The papers are compilations of scriptures that anyone can create on any topic they like. Use the search feature to find something that fits what you are going through and find a scripture to use as a weapon against your own negative thoughts.

Hopefully, I’ll find some rest and my children will be fever free and on their way back to school soon so I can find more time to blog about all the craftiness I’ve been working on. Real life isn’t the most fun to read about, but it’s the most authentic. Truth is at the sight of the blue hand I thought, “Now how am I supposed to finish those crochet projects for Valentine’s Day?” LOL

In college I was part of the traveling drama team and I enjoyed working behind the scenes on the musicals. While not completely foreign, this is a completely new part of the experience for me. I have to admit, it’s exhilarating! Of course I’m not the oldest person in the chorus, that definitely helps. I was afraid after suffering from years of mommy brain that yesterday was going to be a complete train wreck yesterday as we learned the dance steps. Surprise! It wasn’t. Thankfully, my church is very inclusive, so they find a place for everyone who wishes to be in the production. That being said, the dance moves are accessible, but don’t mistake that for easy. Three hours of hard work with a few short breaks and my muscles were burning before I made it to the car. They are still burning this morning, but my heart is full. Most importantly, I haven’t forgotten all the moves in my sleep.

It’s great to try something new, and I’m thankful for the support at home that allows me to try this new adventure. I can’t wait to see how my children respond when they see mommy on stage and in costume. I want them to be bold, courageous and try new things throughout their lives, so I’m leading by example.

While driving home after my Mac lesson for today, Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana came on the radio in my mini-van. Instinctively, I turned up the volume (to a whopping 15) and added a bit of bass. What happened next was a bit odd, even to me.

A wave of realization washed over me that because I was lightly bobbing my head I must look like I’ve just left the set of “A Night at the Roxbury”. This simply would not do, so I threw caution and good sense to the wind and head-banged as much as legally possible while still driving down the road. As I flipped my recently trimmed curls to and fro I couldn’t help but laugh at myself and what my fellow motorists in their BMW, Audis and Lexus-es (or is it Lexi?) must be thinking. But I didn’t care, it felt good.

Hopefully someone else enjoyed the chuckle at the crazy Hyundai mini-van mom head-banging, but even if they didn’t it was an essential emotional emancipation for me, and will hopefully help me survive my solo-parenting week until hubby’s plane touches down Saturday. If I need another injection, I may just teach my children the meaning of the word “mosh pit”.