Back to School – Separating our Twins

Yes, you read that correctly. Our twins turned 5 a few weeks ago, and although they’ll be on the young end of the age spectrum in the classroom, we are sending them on to kindergarten this fall and yes, we are separating them.

Before those of you within the multiples community hang me out to dry, I thought I’d share my thoughts about it. First, as you read yesterday in my back to school post, we take each kid on a case by case basis, and each year as a separate issue. There’s always room for re-evaluation and change. This is our families’ choice, guided by the kids, and the school professionals.

For those of you considering it, I know there are numerous articles and posts out there about keeping twins together, but let me share some of what we hope will be advantages of spliting them.

#1 We have BOYS. Have you ever spent any serious amount of time around 5 year old boys? Do you know what kind of mischief they can cook up? Then when you add the twin factor in… oh. my. goodness. Mario & Luigi (not real names, our family online names) are crafty. They do this incredibly accurate impersonation of the two-headed monster from Sesame Street. I kid you not. And when they decide something is funny, it’s like the never ending inside joke. Frat boys have nothing on my twins.

#2 They are identical. When discussing with the boys individually the potential benefits I asked them how they felt when they were called the other’s name, even when it was an accident. I was shocked at how much it bothered them both. Strangers do it all the time, family does it less often but it still occurs. And I, like any mom, frequently have to go down the list of names to get the right one. Heck, I’ve even called a child by the dog’s name while yelling before. With two separate classrooms comes a bit of space. Some of the kindergartners may not know for quite a while that they are even twins, helping them to establish their own identity.

Truthfully, like any twins, they get treated like a 2 for 1 package deal all the time. Sometimes even by myself. We try our best not to, but because they share the same room, are the same age, are both boys… there is quite a bit of this. My prayer for them is that they each find out who they are.

#3 They think differently. So why wouldn’t 2 different teachers be a good thing? The school has a system to place kids with the best teacher possible. We fill out a survey about who they are, games they play, strengths and weaknesses. If we insisted that they are together, one of our children could potentially get shortchanged and not end up with the best classroom teacher for their style of learning. How would we choose which child is sacrificed for the sake of togetherness?

Those are the major logical points, but it really came down to God’s intervention. I’d been praying for all the boys; for what was best for the coming school year; that God, who knows more than I, would lead our family. I spoke with the school counselor about considering splitting the boys, while it was uncertain whether the new teacher would be an AM or PM teacher. I expected a call if it would fall into our category, but the call I received was that they’d already been split. We of course had a few days to consider it and request a change. After more prayer and discussions with my husband, we opted to let it ride. We know we’ve been led to put our children into public schools, we know we were led to purchase this house in this district, we believe God knows what’s best and we are at peace that this is the right decision for our family.

I know this is a hot topic among parents of multiples, but I thought I’d share with you part of our family’s thoughts and processes. I’d love to hear about your choices and your reasons for them. Drop me a note in the comments and a link to your blog!